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1990-02-12
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202 lines
╬O, IT'S ╬╧╘ MINK, IT'S CAT, AND IT'S OKAY CUZ WE ATE THE MEAT!
═Y CAT WASN'T BROKE, BUT ╔ HAD HIM FIXED ANYWAY.
╥┼┴─ ┼╥╥╧╥: ╥EMOVE CAT FROM DRIVE ┴:
╘HE CHERRY BOMB IS LIT. ╤UICK, HAND ME THAT CAT!
╔ HAD A CAT ONCE... ╘ASTED LIKE CHICKEN.
├ATS ARE HARD ON CARS. ═OSTLY WHEN YOU CHASE THEM OVER CURBS!
╔ WAS A CAT IN NINE OF MY FORMER LIVES..
╚ONEST ╧FFICER! ╘HAT CAT AS ON FIRE WHEN ╔ GOT HERE.
╔F YOU WOULD KNOW A MAN, OBSERVE HOW HE COOKS A CAT.
╔ PLAY BASEBALL WITH MY CAT...╔╘'S THE BALL...
╘HE TROUBLE WITH A ╦ITTEN IS THAT, EVENTUALLY IT'S A ├AT
╫HO NEEDS A CAT TO IGNORE THEM, ╔ HAVE A WIFE FOR THAT!
╫HEN ╟OD SAID "╠ET THERE BE ├ATS " HE WAS QUICKLY IGNORED.
I╘'S ╚AR─ T╧ T┘╨E ╫╚IL┼ C╚O╦IN╟ A C┴╘!
╙CATOLOGY, ╘HE SCIENCE OF SHOOING CATS
┬UREAUCAT: ┴ KITTY WHO SLEEPS ON YOUR UNDIES.
200 POUND PARROT: "╚┼╥┼ ╦╔╘╘┘, ╦╔╘╘┘..."
┬┼╬╩╔! ╫ATCH OUT FOR THAT CA -- @#%^@^$%^ ╬╧ ╘┼╥╥╔┼╥
╚E WHO LAUGHS LAST IS LIKELY ┬RITISH.
╘HERE IS NEVER ENOUGH BEER, SEX, OR DISK SPACE.
┴ SEMINAR ON ╘IME ╘RAVEL WILL BE HELD LAST ╞RIDAY - BE THERE!
╥EAL PROGRAMMERS DON'T WRITE CODE, THEY GIVE BIRTH TO IT.
"┴ND NOW, ╙LIM ╫HITMAN WITH '┬╔╧╙ ├ON ─IOS, ═Y ─ARLING' "
─AMMIT, ╩IM, ╔'M AN ┴LZHEIMER'S PATIENT, NOT A...UH...UMM..
─AMMIT, ╩IM, ╔'M A ─OCTOR, NOT A ... ╚E'S WILLING TO PAY ╚╧╫ ═╒├╚?
─AMMIT, ╩IM, ╔'M A ═ACRO, NOT A TAGLINE.
╚E'S DEAD, ╩IM. ╔F YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME, KICK HIM.
╚E'S DEAD, ╩IM. ╔'VE GOT DIBBS ON THE WHITE MEAT!
─AMMIT ┬ONES, ╔'M A CAPTAIN, NOT A DOCTOR!
"┬EAM ME ABOARD, ╙COTTY." "┴YE, ├APTAIN. ╫ILL A 2X4 DO?"
╘HE ┬ORG ARE COMING! ╤UICK! ╘RY AND LOOK USELESS!
╔'M ╨OPEYE OF ┬ORG! ╨REPARE TO BE ASKRIMILGATED!
"├APTAIN, PLEASE. ╬OT IN FRONT OF THE ╦LINGONS."
"├HIP ON YOUR SHOULDER, ─ATA?" "╬O SIR, ╔╬ MY SHOULDER."
"╔T'S ┼NSIGN ╨ILLSBURY.....HE'S BREAD, ╩IM."
╚E'S DIM, ╩ED. ╚EY ...
╠ADDIE, YA THINK YA MIGHT LIKE TA ... REPHRASE THAT?
╠IGHTYEAR: ┴ REGULAR YEAR WITH LESS CALORIES.
═ARY ╨OPPINS ... FIRST OF THE ╤ TO VISIT EARTH ...
═E AND ┘OU AND A ┬ORG NAMED ╚UGH...
╧NLY A FOOL FIGHTS IN A BURNING HOUSE.
╨RUNE JUICE ... THE DRINK OF WARRIORS!
╥IKER: "─AMN THE SYNTHEHOL...╔ WANNA GET ╘ROI SLOSHED!"
╥OMULAN NATURAL DEATH: ┴N INABILITY TO LIVE AFTER BEING POISONED.
╙COTTY, ╔ NEED SHIELDS! ┴YE SIR, PANTY OR DRESS?
╙HE'S DEAD, ╩IM, BUT STILL WARM. ╙HALL WE FLIP A COIN?
╫ARP 5 ... ENGAGE. ╬O, NO, ═R. ─ATA, MORE CLUTCH!
╫HAT YOU GET WHEN YOU SQUISH AN ANDROID: ─ATA COMPRESSION.
╫ORF! ┼AT ANY GOOD BOOKS LATELY?
╫ORF! ╙TILL STRUGGLING UP THE EVOLUTIONARY LADDER?
╫OULDN'T ╫ESLEY MAKE A GREAT "MANNED PHOTOTORP" PILOT...?
"╙COTTY, 1 TO BEAM UP.";ZZZZZZ;"╬OT HIM! ═E!"
"╫ESLEY!" "┘ES ╙IR?" "╟ET ╧╞╞ MY BRIDGE!"
┬ORG SPREADSHEET PROGRAM: ╠OCUTUS 1-2-3
╬O ╫ARP? ╫ORF, ─ATA .. GET OUT AND PUSH .. ╔'LL STEER!
╔ AM ╞LATULUS OF ┬ORG. ┘OU WILL BE ASPHIXIATED!
╔ AM ╚OMER OF ┬ORG. ╨REPARE TO BE .... OOOOOOHH, DOUGHNUTS...
├ONFUSED? ├ALL ├OUNSELOR ╘ROI, 1-900-╬├├-1701, $1.95/MIN.
╤-╘IP: ╫HEN A REALLY POWERFUL ALIEN GIVES YOU ADVICE.
"├OME ON, ╙POCK! ╨ULL MY FINGER!" -- ╦IRK
╞ORGET THE ╨RIME ─IRECTIVE - ╠ET'S KILL SOMETHING.
┬ORG ═ODERATOR: ┘OUR ╘OPIC ╔S ╔RRELEVANT.
╚OLODECK COMPUTER...END ├LINTON ┴DMINISTRATION PROGRAM...╬╧╫!
┴╠╔╓┼" ╟AVE THE PHRASE '╚AVING FRIENDS FOR DINNER' A NEW MEANING!
╔F IT ╫┴╠╦╙ OUT OF YOUR REFRIDGERATOR, ╠┼╘ ╔╘ ╟╧!!
╟ET A TASTE OF RELIGION. ┬ITE A PREACHER!
┘ES, IT'S A REAL FOX COAT... BUT WE ATE THE MEAT.
╧H, ╤UIT YOUR WHINING. ┘OU'VE GOT ANOTHER LEG...
═ONKEY IN A ┬LENDER - ╥HESUS ╨IECES.
─RINK YOUR COFFEE. ╘HERE ARE POOR PEOPLE ASLEEP IN ╔NDIA.
╚E'S SO OLD HE WAS MODERATOR ON THE ┴RK!
═╧─┼╥┴╘╧╥: (N), ╙EE GOD, DESPOT, TYRANT, OPPRESSOR, EGOMANIAC...
┴ MODERATOR ┴╬─ A TAGLINE THIEF. ╩UST SHOOT ME!
╨OWER CORRUPTS, ABSOLUTE POWER IS KINDA NEAT!
╔ USED TO HAVE A LIFE, NOW ╔ MODERATE.
╘HERE'S A RIGHT WAY, A WRONG WAY AND MY WAY.
╙UPPORT THE USE OF LOW YIELD ╬╒╦┼╙ BY MODERATORS!
┬EAT ME, BRAND ME, MAKE ME A MODERATOR.
╚APPINESS IS THE ═ODERATOR'S FACE ON A MILK CARTON!
┴GE AND TREACHERY BEATS YOUTH AND SKILL, EVERY TIME!
┴LL STRESSED OUT AND NO ONE TO CHOKE!
╘HE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GENIUS AND STUPIDITY? ╟ENIUS HAS LIMITS.
─ECAFFINATED COFFEE. ╫HAT THE HELL'S THE ╨╧╔╬╘??
╘HE "═ORNING ┴FTER" PILL FOR MEN: IT CHANGES YOUR BLOOD TYPE.
╚┴╬╟╧╓┼╥: (N) ╘HE WRATH OF GRAPES.
┬ULLFIGHT: 1 LITTLE MAN AGAINST A HALF TON OF ╨╧ED POT ROAST.
╚ARDWARE: ╘HE PART YOU KICK.
┴TTILA THE ╬UN: ┴ SIMPLE GIRL PLEDGED TO A LIFE OF BRUTALITY.
╨OLYPROPYLENE IS ╬╧╘ A PLASTIC PARROT!
╧├├┴═'╙ ╥┴┌╧╥ = ╦.╔.╙.╙. = ╦EEP ╔T ╙IMPLE, ╙TUPID!
╧PTIMIST: (N) SOMEONE WITHOUT MUCH EXPERIENCE.
┬ARTENDER: (N) ┴ PHARMACIST WITH A LIMITED INVENTORY.
╩USTICE: ┴ DECISION IN YOUR FAVOR.
╒NIVERSITY: ┴ MODERN SCHOOL WHERE FOOTBALL IS TAUGHT...
╨SYCHOCERAMICS: ╘HE STUDY OF CRACKPOTS.
┴IBOHPHOBIA: (N) ╘HE FEAR OF PALINDROMES.
┬┼┼╥: ╔T'S NOT JUST A BREAKFAST FOOD ANYMORE.
╬EWTON'S ╠AW: ╙ITTING UNDER APPLE TREES CAUSES HEADACHES.
╠╔╞┼: (N) ╫HAT HAPPENS TO YOU WHILE YOU ARE MAKING OTHER PLANS
─IGITAL ╙TEREO: ╞ULL OFF, ╞ULL ON!
┴DAM'S ╥IB: ╘HE ORIGINAL BONE OF CONTENTION.
╨═╙: ╫HEN WOMEN ACT LIKE MEN DO ALL THE TIME!
╫INTER: ╬ATURE'S WAY OF SAYING, "╒P ┘OURS!"
─EATH: ╬ATURES WAY OF SAYING, "╟OTCHA!"
─EATH: ╠IFE'S WAY OF TELLING YOU YOU'VE BEEN FIRED.
─EATH: ╬ATURES WAS OF TELLING YOU TO SLOW DOWN.
─I╩ON ╓U: ╘HE FEELING THAT YOU'VE TASTED THIS MUSTARD BEFORE.
├ARPE ─IEM: THE FISH DIED.
╘EXAS ╙PEEDBUMP: ┴N ARMADILLO ON THE ROAD.
┴RMADILLO: '╨OSSUM ON THE HALF SHELL.
╟EOMETRY: ╫HAT THE ACORN SAID AFTER IT GREW UP.
╞╒╬╟╔: ╘HE LIFE OF THE PARTY.
═┴├╚╧: ╩OGGING HOME FROM YOUR OWN VASECTOMY.
╠IFE: ┴ FATAL, SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASE.
╓╔╧╠┼╬╘: ┴N ACTIVE, DANGEROUS PLANT WITH PURPLE FLOWERS.
╟╒╔╬┼┴ ╨╔╟╙: ╘HAT'S WHAT ├AVY ARE.
┬USIER THAN A ═ORMON AT A WIFE SWAPPING PARTY...
╟OT A NEW CAR FOR MY WIFE...WHAT A TRADE, WHAT A TRADE!!
╔N A MINUTE, ╚ONEY... ╩UST ONE MORE MESSAGE!"
┬E VEWY VEWY QUIET... ╔'M HUNTING TAGWINES!
┬┼╫┴╥┼.. ╘HERE IS A TAGLINE THIEF IN THIS ECHO.
╔ TAWT ╔ TAW A PUTTY TAG. ╔ DID, ╔ DID TAW A PUTTY TAG!
╘HE ╙┼├╥┼╘ LIVES OF ╘AGLINES .. NEXT ╟ERALDO
"╙AM, ┌IGGY SAYS THERE'S A 94.1% CHANCE YOUR TAGLINE WAS STOLEN."
╘HIS IS A SAMPLE TAGLINE. ╔F IT WERE REAL, IT WOULD BE FUNNY!
┼VER CAUGHT YOURSELF READING TAGLINES AND SKIPPING MESSAGES?
╘HE ╞EW. ╘HE ╨ROUD. ╘HE ╥EGISTERED!
"╘HERE'S LIES, DAMN LIES AND STATISTICS!", ═ARK ╘WAIN
"╔F FOLKS WUZ MORAL, WE COULD ┴╠╠ GO NAKED." ┬ROTHER ─AVE
"├RY ╥╔┬┬╔╘, AND LET SLIP THE ╞ROGS OR ╫AR!"
"╬OBODY GOES THERE ANYMORE IT'S TOO CROWDED." ┘. ┬ERRA
"╔T'S LIKE ─EJA ╓U ALL OVER AGAIN!" ┘. ┬ERRA
"╙OME DAYS IT ALL SEEMS SO FEUDAL." ╦ING ┴RTHUR
"╘HE BOUNTY SAYS DEAD OR ALIVE, BUT ╔ AIN'T CARRYIN' YA."
"┘OU CAN'T DROWN, YOU FOOL...YOU'RE IMMORTAL!" - ╚IGHLANDER
"╚ELLO? 911?"... "╔F YOU ARE REPORTING A MURDER, PRESS 1"
"╬O MATTER WHERE YOU GO... ╘HERE YOU ARE!" ╨ROF ╔RWIN ├OREY
"╔ THINK NOT." SAID ─ESCARTES; AND PROMPTLY VANISHED.
├HICKEN ONE DAY, FEATHERS THE NEXT...
╔ BOUGHT A PACKAGE OF "├HICKEN ╨IECES". ┴LL BEAKS AND TALONS!
╧NE MOMENT PLEASE....SEACHING STRING(Y) "CHICKENS"
"╫HAT IF THEY HAD A WAR, AND ONLY CHICKENS CAME ?"
═AY YOU HAVE AS MANY SORROWS AS A CHICKEN HAS LIPS.
"╔ EVEN LIKE THE CHICKEN IF THE SAUCE IS NOT TOO BLUE."
┼AT RIGHT. ╟ET LOTS OF EXERCISE. ─IE ANYWAY!
╔T'S NOT LIKE ╔ CAN GO TO ═C─ONALD'S FOR A ┬IG ╨LASMA.....
├APT., EXPERIMENTS SHOW THAT DEAD PUPPIES AREN'T MUCH FUN.
╔ SUPPORT ╨.┼.╘.┴. ╨EOPLE ┼ATING ╘ASTY ┴NIMALS.
╘HE ╥OADSIDE ├AFE-┘OU KILL IT, ╫E ╟RILL IT.
╔F IT'S TOURIST SEASON, HOW COME WE CAN'T SHOOT THEM?
┼ATING FOOD IS MORE FUN, WHEN YOU KNOW IT WAS HIT ON THE RUN.
╞LAT ┬AT TASTES REALLY NEAT WHEN IT'S FRESH FROM THE STREET.
╔F CORN OIL IS MADE FROM CORN, WHAT'S BABY OIL MADE FROM?
╓EGETARIANS EAT VEGETABLES. ╫HAT DO HUMANITARIANS EAT?
╙HOULD ╔ *EAT* THIS OR LACE IT UP AND *WEAR* IT!?
24 HOURS IN A DAY AND 24 BEERS IN A CASE. ╚MMMM.....
┴ FEW BEERS SHORT OF A SIX-PACK.
┴ WARM BEER IS BETTER THAN NO BEER AT ALL.
┴FTER ╟OD CREATED WOMAN, HE ATONED BY CREATING BEER.....
┬RAINS BY ╧XFORD, ┬ODY BY BEER!
┬E KIND TO DUMB ANIMALS, AND GIVE SMALL BIRDS ROOTBEER.
┬EAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEER HOLDER
┬EER - ╔T'S NOT JUST A BREAKFAST FOOD ANYMORE.
┬EER BELLIES = GREAT WAIST.
┬EER CAN'S EMPTY! ═EMORY ╞ULL! ┌ZZZZZZZZ....
┬EER GOGGLES: ╙EE THE WORLD THRU THE EYES OF A DRUNK.
┬EER IS ┬ETTER: ┬EER BOTTLES DON'T GET SPRAYED WITH PESTICIDE.
┬EER IS ┬ETTER: ┬EER IS ALWAYS IN SEASON.
┬EER IS ┬ETTER: ┼ATING CUCUMBERS TO FORGET DOESN'T WORK.
┬EER KILLS BRAIN CELLS, BUT ONLY THE WEAK ONES...
┬EER MAKES THE WORLD GO @ROUND (AND @ROUND, AND @ROUND...
┬EER MATH IS TWO BEERS TIMES 37 MEN EQUALS 49 CASES.
┬EER NOT FOUND: (┴)BORT (╥)ETRY (╨)ANIC
"┬EER, ═R. ╨ETERSON?" "╧K, BUT STOP ME AT 1...WELL, 1:30."
┬EER, ╫INE AND ╫OMEN --- ╔S'T ╠IFE ╟REAT !!!
┬┼┼╥.╦┼╟ EMPTY! ╧╓┼╥╞╠╧╫ ┼╥╥╧╥ ─┼╘┼├╘┼─!
┬EERTENDER, BRING ME ANOTHER BAR!
┬┼┼╥╫┴╥┼ == ╔F IT WORKS, BUY YOURSELF A BEER!
┬┼╠╠┘╧╠╧╟┘: ╘HE STUDY OF ┬EER BELLIES.
┬EST FOR A CASE OF NERVES IS A CASE OF BEER.
┬ODILY ╞UNCTIONS: ═AKE ROOM FOR MORE BEER.
├OTTON┬ALLS: ┴DVANCED STAGE OF ┬EERNUTS DISEASE.
─ECISION '96 : ╞OUR MORE BEERS! ╞OUR MORE BEERS!
─RINK AND DRIVE RESPONSIBLY.......DON'T SPILL YOUR BEER.
─UMB ┬LONDE OR BEER BOTTLE: BOTH ARE EMPTY FROM NECK UP.
┼RROR FINDING ├╧╠─┬┼┼╥.├┴╬ ╒SER NOT LOADED.
$0063 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL...
╚APPINESS IS A ╫ARM ╫OMAN, A ╚OT ├YCLE, AND A ├OLD ┬EER!!
╚AVE BEER, WILL.....BUUURRRRPPPP.......PARTY!
╚ELP! ╔'VE FALLEN AND CAN'T REACH MY BEER!
╔ DON'T HAVE A BEER BELLY! ╔T'S A GAS TANK FOR A SEX MACHINE.
┬UY ONE, GET ONE ╞╥┼┼! ─OES IT HAVE TO BE IN THAT ORDER?
─ON'T BE SUPERSTITIOUS. ╔T'S BAD LUCK.
╔'M NEITHER ╞╧╥ NOR ┴╟┴╔╬╙╘ APATHY...
─ON'T LOOK AT ME IN THAT TONE OF VOICE!
╫HY FOR YOU STARE ON ME LIKE A TREE FULL OF OWLS?
═ONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING...USUALLY IT ISN'T EVEN ENOUGH...
═Y OTHER COMPUTER IS A ├╥┴┘! ... ┘EAH, THAT'S THE TICKET...
╒N┌IP, ┼XPAND, ┼XPLODE... ╫HAT KIND OF PERVERT CAME UP WITH THIS?
╠EGALIZE ═ARU...MAWA...MOUA...MAWO...╒MMM... ╨╧╘!
╔F AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED, DISTROY ALL EVIDENCE YOU EVER TRIED.